Smile. Real Big.

You Smell...by Beth Bathory

A couple of years ago, a fragrance chemist informed me that the scents of coffee beans and skunk spray are both dominated by the same chemical. It’s true! Pay attention next time you encounter one or the other. Since then, I haven’t been too sure how I feel about either smell. I’m not sure how I feel about the odor of most perfumes and personal hygiene products, either. Apparently, girls are supposed to smell like flowers and boys are supposed to smell like bathroom deodorizer. Clearly fragrance manufacturers have neglected to consult the most scientifically accurate source known to mankind—my opinion. Officially, The Best Smells in the World are:

Vanilla. This is what heaven smells like. Vanilla makes everything better. Seriously, I challenge you to think of any situation that is not enhanced by vanilla. (I think vanilla-infused Visine sounds like a great idea.)

Pine groves. Whenever I’m in a fir forest I realize that the usual smell of air is woefully inadequate. Especially if that air is in New Jersey.

Sandalwood. I don’t mean sandalwood oil-scented products, but the actual wood itself—it’s magical.

Citrus fruits. It’s the carefree scent of never having to worry about scurvy!
Tie: Rosemary and Cloves. In the alternate universe inside my mind, sunrise smells like rosemary and sunset emits the aroma of cloves.

I just realized that my entire Best Smells list is plant-based. Perhaps this is some unconscious attribution to the fact that plants make breathing possible, or maybe the animal kingdom is just stinky. I once had a job that required interacting with filthy teenage boys who literally had not changed their clothing or showered for weeks and ate lentils for dinner every night, so I’ll attest to the latter. But even that could not compete with The Worst Smells in the World:

Burning plastic. I’m sure it’s all kinds of carcinogenic, so it’s probably good that it smells horrific.

Tie: Rotting flesh and Vomit. Thanks to various roommates I’ve had over the years, I’ve had plenty of exposure to both. Regarding rotting flesh, I’ve never actually lived with a serial killer (though I did live down the street from one). I’m referring more to the time, for example, that my housemate decided to leave a decomposing turkey in our kitchen for weeks.

Other people’s poo. Yes, I think mine doesn’t stink. What the hell are you people eating?

Wet dog on a warm day. An honorable mention also goes to the stench of a neglected litter box.

The ocean. Have you noticed that “ocean” scented products smell nothing like the ocean? That’s probably a good thing, because the ocean is gorgeous, but it smells like a big, nasty puddle of seaweed- and fish-infested saltwater.

Various police forces have piloted “stink bombs” as a less lethal form of hostile crowd control. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they instead developed “good-smell bombs” to pleasantly pacify and soothe the violent and agitated? With vanilla, all things are possible…

1990's "Kicks" Album Review (by Adam Peters)

Bands That Are Hard to Google Part 2: 1990s’ “Kicks”

It took me four days to be able to stomach a second listen of 1990s’ “Kicks.” When I finally did, I realized that it’s not quite as bad as I originally thought. It’s not good; it’s just not horrendous.

The reason for this is not complicated. The music is fine. After I decided I hated this band the first time through, I wanted nothing more than to find some awful radio pop bands to draw comparisons. I couldn’t. The fact is, when you listen to 1990s, you don’t hear Nickleback, you hear only good bands. Echo and the Bunnymen, the Stooges, the Clash, and even some Thin Lizzy. The problem is the lyrics. They range from pedestrian and predictable like “everybody is relaxed/they like to wear their party hats,“ to poetically atrocious like “whoopsadaisey girl won’t you come with me” and “everybody just chillax.” It’s almost as if some hipster outfitted the frat house with a recording studio, introduced this trio to good music, then left them to their own devices.

Then again, these guys are from Scotland. Maybe I have the dynamic all wrong. Do they have douche bags in Scotland? They must. Are they like American douche bags? I’m being too harsh. I’ve never met these guys. They could be perfectly nice chaps. Their Myspace page says they’re influenced by “stuff” and “not standing up.” That’s pretty cool. I’m getting off track.

I actually kind of like the second track on the album, “Tell Me When You’re Ready.” It has this late Weezerish, poppy, catchy chord progression to it, and like most of their other songs, becomes especially good when you’re too preoccupied to pay attention to the words. “Giddy Up” is also quite strong. You can totally hear the stuff influence on this track.

Here’s the bottom line: If you don’t understand English, I highly recommend this album. If you do, skip it.

Definitive Jux Free S@#T Review

Well, my favorite record label is giving away all sorts of music downloads on their site and I'm going to go ahead and review them....

Go to; http://www.definitivejux.net/store/catalog/freeshit/ and check out the following...

Aesop Rock - The Ghosts of the Barbary Coast is a semi-collaboration with artist Jeremy Fish, this two song (one regular, one instrumental) set slightly overdoes it with semi-lame sound bites but the beat is all sorts of awesome and the lyrics are standard Aes fare. In reality the instrumental is sort of better than the one with him (sorry man!)

Cage - Nothing Left To Say begins as the most musical of all Cage songs I know. It's almost beautiful and almost completely maddening in its sadness. This song speaks right to the pain of being walked on and Cage shares that feeling unlike many others. Lyrically better than many of the songs on his albums - such a good song.

Chin Chin - Toot D'Amore ReMix sounds like something Prince would have created...ya know, if he had no talent at all.

Cool Calm Pete - Gitty Up Baby! is all sorts of smooth and dare I say sexy? I hate sounding like a tool saying that and I know I do but how can you hate on a song rockin' fake hoof beats about relaxing during the summertime. Even more amazing is that unlike say, G Love, Cool Calm Pete actually sounds cool and calm, he's not forcing this sort of relaxed feeling, just who he is. Very worth it.

Danny! - Check It Out (remix) sounds like old DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Press Conference is just silly sounding and Cafe Surreal has lyrics about cappuccino - who do you think you are, Murs? Hardly.

The Desert Rose Band - Running Shoes mixes up beats, keeps you thinking, throws out Thunder Cats references and makes you smile the whole way through. The devil does indeed make a fortune out of running shoes, and so should you fellas.

Hangar 18 - The entire Sweep The Leg album is up here for free download (yeah, that IS a Karate Kid reference) and it's catchy but not worth buying. Luckily it is free so check it out.

Various Artists "Dark Was The Night" Double CD Review

Double compilation albums offer a lot of opportunity to find something new, re-visit someone old that you haven't listened to lately or an opportunity to be very disappointed over and over again. Dark Was The Night, the newest release from the Red Hot Organization (that super cool organization that raises money for HIV/AIDS education - www.redhot.org, check them out) offers all three of those things.

Starting off with David Byrne teaming up with the Dirty Projectors it starts off strongly although even Byrne has said that the Dirty Projectors are "completely strange and oddly familiar at the same time". He meant this as a compliment yet it basically sounds like an old Talking Heads song with a woman singing half of it imitating David Byrne. Not bad, just not amazing by any stretch of the imagination. Feist and Ben Gibbard team up for "Train Song" and Feist's peaceful voice teamed with Gibbard and a beautiful guitar riff or two makes this song a really peaceful and pleasant one.

"So Far Around The Bend" by The National rocks out with oboe's and smooth deep vocals. "Tightrope" by Yeasayer rocks the bastard lovechild sound of Rusted Root and Aaron Neville - which sounds better than you might think, shaky voice and all.

The second CD's highlights are Beirut's accordion tinged "Mimizan" and although the singer sounds a little too much of Serj Tankian, the music makes up for it. My Morning Jacket adds more proof that saxophone is not in fact sexy but that if used properly it can make a song more pleasant as in "El Caporal". It is Conor Oberst's duet with Gillan Welch, "Lua" may belong in the Juno soundtrack but it is all sorts of pleasant and lyrically quite clever. There is a reason why Bright Eyes garners more respect than Kimya Dawson - he deserves it.

All in all there are only five or seven real hits on this album and a whole lot of misses (Sufjan Stevens, you are not the Beatles, Cat Power, you are not soulful, and Kevin Drew, you are not clever or enjoyable at all).

All of the proceeds of this double set go to a terrific cause so there really is no reason not to buy it. Even if "Lua" were the only good song it would be completely worth it and fortunately for the Red Hot Organization there are enough hits that this whole album doesn't miss the mark.

For Your Reading Pleasure.

NEW WEBSITE - Hey folks, just a few random updates here. Looking for information from many of the major PR firms related to music in the country? Go to my new site;

http://aiwpressreleases.blogspot.com/

Here you will find every press release I receive. There are some really interesting ones and some hilariously ridiculous ones that claim all sorts of people are the next big thing. Good reading though.

WRITE FOR ME - I'm looking for a few good writers. Like reviewing? Then review for me! I only want folks with a decent sense of humor and a tiny bit of writing skill and a real love of music. Send some samples.

SCREENPRINTING - So I am curious if anyone needs any shirts made? I'm starting a small screenprinting business and you've seen some samples up here. Need shirts for your dodgeball team? I'm your guy. Got a band and are poor but want something sweet to sell at shows? I'll hook you up. Interested? Get in touch! Shirts are $9 a piece for one design one color and they go up from there.

SEWING/DESIGN - Coolest small purse ever right? Yeah, not only is the woman I love an amazing person she is super talented as well. So terrific. I would totally buy that at a store.

St. Anything Day

It's that time of year again folks! Hop out of bed, get your drink on, stumble into downtown Dover, New Hampshire and at 6 PM fall down in a puddle of your own vomit only to be helped by the local firefighters and a friendly police officer. Mumble some nonsense, get yourself PC'ed until they realize you might have blood alcohol poisoning and then be taken to the local Hospital for your charcoal chaser. Well, it's that time of year for some of you, not for me!

For me today was no different than any other day except for the fact that I may have found the place I am going to move into with the woman I love. I had a terrific day at work with some amazing young people and I'm in love with an amazing woman.

It seems odd to me that so many people use a day of the year as an excuse to act like complete jack-asses and abuse their body and common senses of decency. I guess there have been times in my life when I have taken advantage of a day of the year to act in a way not in conjunction with my common sense and regular behavior.

Sure, on Thanksgiving I have been known to overindulge in some food stuffs. Maybe a few meals in a row (that's more my family than my choosing), maybe 1/2 lb. of Turkey (oh my lord - what do I do now that I am a vegetarian?!), 1 lb. of stuffing (oh my lord - what do I do now that I'm a vegetarian!?), five or six cookies, some sweet potatoes, and who knows what else. I'm merely showing my thanks through food though! My birthday? Well yeah, I've gone out a few times to celebrate and the night has gone faster and become blurrier than I intended but I'm celebrating getting older! The fourth of July? Well come on now, we're celebrating America here! What do you expect me to do other than overdo BBQ and shoot off fireworks in abundance?

All of these are things that I have already grown away from or find myself growing away from as I get older. I no longer find the joy in excess when it is an excess which is not in conjunction with the me that I am most proud of. The me that I really am.

Yeah, chances are I'll have one too many glasses of wine now and then, maybe a few cookies more than I should have on any given day of the week, and I'll likely eat just as much food next Thanksgiving and it will be just as delicious meat-free. I'm just glad that I'm past the point where I'm willing to abuse my own body for simple minded temporary pleasures - it feels mighty nice to not do that anymore.

I'm going to hop out of bed, happy that I met the woman of my dreams, drive my car to work while listening to some amazing music, try my hardest to teach some of the most amazing young people I've ever met, and enjoy the afternoon doing any number of things that bring me joy. I could get used to celebrating every day like that.

The Condo F@#&S 'F#$&book' Album Review (by Adam Peters)

The Condo Fucks: Fuckbook

The Condo Fucks are really hard to Google. At first I was excited. They sounded a lot like my old band, the late, great Screen Test—active from 2004-2007, 2 EPs, 6 Middle East shows, and at least two fans who weren’t our friends. But I digress. I thought I was on to something, that I had uncovered some hidden Matador gem. Not quite.

Hailed by Matador as a recorded rehearsal by the “legendary New London, CT trio,” Fuckbook is actually a companion album to Yo la Tengo’s 1990 (more or less) cover album, Fakebook. The Condo Fucks are none other than Ira Kaplan, Georgia Hubley and James McNew of Yo la Tengo, disguised as Kid Condo, Georgia Condo and James McNew. “Many years ago,” Matador continues, “in a town called New London, in Connecticut, one band reigned supreme.” Unfortunately, all of the Condo Fucks early material is out of print and unavailable for review. That’s fine, Matador. Touché.

In contrast to Yo la Tengo’s trademark mellow and well-produced pop sound, Fuckbook is a harsh garage/punk recording of fast-paced covers mixed as if a single microphone were thrown in the middle of the room. The vocals are almost unintelligible amid the drums and guitar, and the album is over just around the time you’ve started liking it, clocking in at just over thirty minutes. If I didn’t know this was an album entirely of covers—which I didn’t at first (you wouldn’t have, either)—my first impression was that if you mixed together some lo-fi early Pavement with some Guided by Voices, Television, and certain aspects from certain eras of Sonic Youth, you might get something close to the indie/surf/jangly fast and frantic blues of this legendary trio. Interestingly enough, all of the artists covered on Fuckbook predate most of these bands. The Troggs, the Kinks, Small Faces. The list of artists covered reads like a list of, not necessarily direct Yo la Tengo influences, but perhaps favorites from their record collection. Either way, fair enough.

The first track sets the pace quite nicely. “Whatcha Gonna Do About it” from the Small Faces’ 1966 eponymous album is fast, catchy and deceptively simple. There’s “So Easy Baby” by a band called Zantee (even harder to Google) with an intro guitar line and a hook that will get stuck in your head for hours

“Shut Down” and “Shut Down Part 2” from the Beach Boys’ Surfin’ USA are arguably the strongest tracks on the album. It’s not easy to do retro surf rock and make it sound authentic. The Condo Fucks nail it with guitars, vocals, and production value that sound just about right.

Fuckbook is ultimately a fun departure from Yo la Tengo’s day-to-day. The songs are tight. The joke is funny. Is it an essential piece of their catalogue? Probably not. But then again, this is not Yo la Tengo, it’s the Condo Fucks. I hope their early stuff surfaces soon.

The Blind and Leaky Ship of Justice by Beth Bathory

Robert Fulghum’s essay “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” lays out basic rules for living. These include:

Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

This is some solid advice, assuming someone has taken the time to teach you what it means. Children learn by imitating what they see. Infants learn the language that we speak to them and the behavior, attitudes, and values we model. I hate the word “values” because it conjures for me the oxymoronic “family values” of conservative ideology fame, but it remains a concept worth pondering. What do you believe in? What do you live for? What values do you model?

In 2007, John Joseph Costa ran a 900-foot container ship into the San Francisco Bay Bridge. 53,000 gallons of oil ended up in the Bay, issuing a $60 million clean-up bill and a death sentence for resident wildlife, including about 2,000 species-protected birds. Costa pled guilty to violation of misdemeanor pollution laws because felony charges were dropped by the prosecution. Costa’s plea terms include 2 to 10 months in prison and fines of $3,000 to $30,000. Apparently environmental responsibility is not an important value of oil corporations or the judicial system.

Contrast Costa’s sentence with the federal penalties, for example, for cultivation of 50 kg or less of marijuana (a victimless crime) which earns a felony charge of 5 years imprisonment and $250,000 in fines. According to the logic of this sentencing, growing pot is 30 times worse than running a ship into a bridge and devastating an ecosystem. You could dump oil into San Francisco Bay 83 times and still pay less in fines than someone with a single marijuana cultivation charge.

The usual justification for anti-marijuana laws is the protection of the public from of the harmful effects of marijuana. Does this alleged value of public health match up with the actions of the courts? Yeah, not so much. The U. S. CDC reported that in 2000 tobacco killed 435,000 people, poor diet and physical inactivity killed 365,000, and alcohol killed 85,000. No deaths were reported in association with marijuana use. These statistics are not presented as an argument for marijuana being good for people—it isn’t—but notice that the top three causes of death in the United States (tobacco, unhealthy food, and alcohol) are perfectly legally and massive, heavily advertised industries. Meanwhile, 734,497 individuals were arrested the same year for marijuana offenses (646,042 for simple possession). Who are laws protecting?

It turns out that grownups are not really that great at apologizing when we hurt somebody, especially if our paycheck depends on that product. Fulghum wrote, “Think what a better world it would be…if all governments had a basic policy to always put thing back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.” The delightful irony of a democratic nation is that ostensibly “we, the people” are responsible for the society, government, and courts that we love to bitch about. Basic responsibility begins when we start living according to our values. I do feel that it is ultimately impossible to prevent people from poisoning themselves in an informed manner by whatever vice they so wish, but I’m pretty sure nobody has asked the birds or our children whether they mind the unchecked destruction of their planet and the associated involuntary life-span reduction. That’s not really fair.

The Greatest Pac-Man Victory In Histroy

Aesop Rock is a genius. I've been listening to 'Bazookatooth' for over a year now and still every time I put it on I notice something new and amazing. The most recent example of this is on 'The Greatest Pac-Man Victory In History'. In this Aes reminisces about his drug using days and about how they are most definitely over. It is the last verse though that blows my mind. I never realized what he was doing in these lyrics until this week, how foolish of me!

Lazy summer days
Like some decrepit land shark dumb luck squad dog lurk sicker diluted.
Last sturdy domino lean secluded.
Don't let stupid delusions lessen super-duty labor students dragnet lifer solutions.
Daddy loved sloppy dimension like son/daughter link.
Such determinated leopards.
Successfully disheveled.
Little soldiers developed like serpents despite life sentence ducking lemmings.
Some don't like sobriety's dirty lenses.
Some do.
Let sleeping dogs lie still.
Don't look so damn lackluster.
Suck defeat.
Lump sum damage?
Load, sample, delete.
Late Show, Dave Letterman, shitty diner lip slide, dutch.
Low self-discipline leaders see dead lung self-destruct.
Life sucks dickhead.
Lost summers display laminates showcasing divinity live, system definitive.
Liturgy soaked, depict lowly spectacular delight.
Why, what kind of LSD you like?

Wow.

So I got to thinking, how hard would this be? I took my initials (ALF) and tried it out.

Almost Living Famous, About Lemons, First A Letter From Alfred, Little Fence, Attempted Leaf Flower Ape, Live First Ask Life Favors, Accept Loss, Failure, Anchovies, Liver, Falafel, Avocado, Lemon, Frankly All Lonely Fellas Are Lone For A Little, Frankly Any Living Folks Are Lonely For A Long File, A Lie Feels Awful, Lunch Frappes, Apple Laps, Fast Apps, Last Flaps, Accept Little Foibles And Lay Fear Away. Life’s fun.

Decent, there's a reason why there is only one Aesop Rock though. Guess I should get going now though.

Alright, loving farewell.

Post Script - Bathory decided to do one of these for me, she did the initials B.S.B though, here goes her genius, Aes style....

Before summer began,
Before sun’s bully barrage,
Snowmen blindly bumbled,
Smearing big, blissfully snowy backyards.

Blustering, stormy breaths,
Billowing, slushy bellies,
Blithely sliding banks
Beneath silver, bare-branched skies.

But buried somewhere below board,
Sown before bitter season’s blizzards,
Bubbling seeds bespeak birth,
Struggling beneath barren, solid blocks.

Better Spring’s beliefs be spoken.
Better brittle stasis be bent, see?
Because biannually solstice-belabored beings
Seek balance beyond simply being.

April by Dawn Potter

We smoke the roach you sweet-talked
crabby Lauren into parting with,
you drop ash in my hair, on the wall Joe Strummer

smashes a guitar, slow-hand Chaucer nudges my lips—
. . . than longen folk to goon . . .
We’re not exactly tripping any more, but streetlights

still flash their porous rainbows, the soft windows tremble and sigh,
and when you shake Revolver onto the turntable,
“She Said She Said” fattens the night air like a tulip.

. . . the tendre croppes, the yonge sonne . . .
Already I’m afraid to leave you, already I’m lonely.
Eye-jangled and forlorn, I watch you rattle cellophane,

tear open a pack of Marlboros, cough and strike a match,
suck up the fumes of one more cigarette.
. . . Zephirus eek with his sweete breeth . . .

The tulip sways. She bows low, she offers me her red throat.
. . . so priketh him nature in hir corages . . .
What hurt, what hunger do I dread?

"April," first published in Salamander 10, no. 2 (2005).

Rap Makes Life Make Sense.

There is a rapper named Cage (Chris Palko) who says some things that just shock me. Not because I couldn't imagine saying things that he says. It's just that I couldn't imagine being in a place where I was willing to say the sort of things that he openly says and puts his name to. I listen to Cage and a bunch of the guys that he records with (Copywrite, Smut Peddlers, Yak Ballz, Camu Tao, Aes of course, and clearly the Weathermen) yet there is something specifically amazing about him (not to discount what those other guys are doing). Cage is honestly willing to say whatever comes to his mind. He even has a song where he talks about the death of Chris Palko which was the birth of Cage. Although there are things that I am impressed with his willingness to share with the world there are still things that I am genuinely disgusted with. There's a difference though between him and just about every other person I've met in my entire life though.

He is willing to admit it is what is going on in his mind.

Many folks I have known well in my life have been completely unwilling to admit the things that go through their mind. One of the reasons I have the two best friends and the most amazing girlfriend I could imagine is that they are three people who are unwilling to do anything but share themselves exactly how they are. It took me a lot longer than they took to figure out who I was and be completely comfortable with sharing it with my friends. Even I still have a hard time being myself around certain people and I'm sure the same could be said about the three of them. I write a large amount about my life growing up and yet I only share it with the closest folks in my life, why? I'm afraid of how it would go over with my work, my students, my acquaintances. I care because I know that being honest can have repercussions in this world.

The rap that I listen to makes life make sense because it is so indicative of what you could do if you just accepted yourself. Not everything you think will be accepted by everyone yet why should that matter? I no longer think it should. As long as what you are thinking isn't causing any genuine harm to anyone as a result of your actions, you should be able to think whatever you want to. Cage talks trash about folks who "speak real words but can't finesse that shit", what really matters to me is that he's speaking real words.

Start speakin' real words folks.

Beth Bathory Drops Knowledge (And 'Bows If Need Be).

Recently I asked Beth Bathory to write a few things for me and this is the first of a few of her opinion pieces which will show up on here.

Editors note: AlrightImWrong.com does very much so agree with the opinions shared hereafter. What a great writer and person.


Pop culture is THE sign of the apocalypse. Western society is headed toward collapse under the weight of its delusional self-importance, but it’s too busy watching The Real World season 21 to notice.

In theory, there are two types of knowledge: cognitive (things we’ve learned because we’re told they’re true, e.g., “The surface of the sun is 11000°F”) and experiential (things we’ve learned because we’ve experienced them to be true, e.g., “A hot stove is HOT”). Cognitive learning is essential—this way, we can read the bleach bottle instead of drinking it to know it’s bad for us. But it is experience that teaches us which sources of cognitive knowledge we should trust to reflect reality (e.g. Wikipedia is a convenient reference, but parts of it appear to have been written by stoned monkeys; Lennie from the school bus may not have had all of the facts about sex quite right; and your parents might actually know what they’re talking about sometimes).

My complaint about popular culture is neither the media nor the messages, per se—I don’t believe that people do stupid things simply because they are exposed to certain music, movies, video games, or ideas and experiences in general. And fantasy is great when it is used to explore or escape the outer limits of experience in the service of enhancing understanding. My concern is society’s overwhelming and short-sighted prioritization of comfort, convenience, and “virtual reality” over actual experience, which had bred stupid people who inevitably do stupid things.

The Western world has become the quintessential smart and lazy kid who realized he could pay the poor, dumb kid to do his homework for him. We’ve had the privilege of deciding that we should not have to experience certain unpleasant and uncomfortable tasks or emotional and physical states. That’s awesome, except that reality happens to include a certain amount of nasty, painful stuff. By avoiding those experiences, we’re utterly screwed at testing time and ultimately fail at life. There’s a clinical term for our cultural relationship with reality: we’re delusional.

Exhibit A: processed food. Food comes from other living things and keeps us alive. Do you have any idea what creature bologna is made from? What biomass goes into a Twinky? So much of what we eat is bad for us because it’s NOT FOOD! It’s a sad fact that economically affluent societies could feed everyone on the entire planet if they cared to critically examine their food production, distribution, and consumption.

Exhibit B: fashion. Why is women’s fashion predicated on eternal adolescence? I totally loved being a teenager, but it’s still the most embarrassing, awkward, angst-y period of most people’s lives. It’s an eighteen-year-old body that makes an eighteen-year-old’s clothing look attractive. Seven-year-old girls in platform heels and booty shorts and forty-seven-year old women in rhinestone flare jeans with surgically restructured faces only emphasize the fact that neither is prime for childbearing, which is a fact, but not one that really needs to be emphasized by fashion. And if you’re more than two decades old, realize that your original teenage fashion choice is already being marketed as a commercially-produced Halloween costume complete with a shiny, matching wig of your regrettable teen-era hair.

Exhibit C: the economy. Enough said.

I’m honestly fascinated by reality television, but I wouldn’t use it as a prototype for demonstrating (à la MTV) “what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real,” except in the context of celebrity and entertainment. The real problem is that we’re utterly disconnected from phenomenal interaction with the social and environmental worlds that support our existence. You’ve got 673 friends on MySpace, but can you walk comfortably into a room of strangers and make a real one when you need to? You’ve mastered World of Warcraft, but do you have any idea how your government or your ecosystem works (and what to do when they stop working)? You don’t get extra lives in real life, and you don’t get a second opportunity to learn that. It might be wise to pay attention.

Press Releases, Being Sickly, and Being In Love.

Three important things;

1. On the right if you scroll down a little there are a few links you should be checking out (places I write for and Dawn Potter - who is quite entertaining by the way and you should be reading her more often than I). There is a new link, the one at the top which says "All The Press Releases I Am Sent..." - this is where I will be putting all the press releases that I receive from publishers, PR firms, friends, all sorts of things. It's interesting to see how people promote things - and quite often hilarious (and equally ridiculous).

2. I am sick. Sneezy, blurry mind sort of sick. I was worried that I would have a terrible day in school because of it - even considered calling out sick today. I am so very happy that I did not. I could not possibly explain how grateful I am for my students and how much I care about them all. I wish there was more I could do for them as they deserve everything good in the world.

3. Love, I'm in it. I have come to realize that I never even knew what love actually was before this. I had all sorts of misconceptions about how I should feel, how I should act. In reality I should just feel tremendous and complete. And I should be acting exactly like myself. And both of these things are happening. I am grateful, I am fortunate, I am happy and I hope that everyone has an opportunity in their life to feel what we feel. I've never been myself so honestly around someone and I never could have dreamed that myself would be so loved by someone so wonderful.

So. Much. Love.

Teresa Tan's Blue Cheese Balls

Teresa was kind enough to share this delicious recipe with us - I would whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who even remotely likes blue cheese!

"These are very rough guides, adjust according to taste.

2 T. cream cheese
2 T. crumbled blue cheese
2 T. shredded sharp cheddar
1 1/2 tsp. minced onion
1/4 tsp. Worcestershire

Mix and refrigerate overnight. Roll into balls and coat with 2 TBS chopped walnuts (I used spiced nuts)."

Thanks Teresa!

The Master by Dawn Potter

Leo’s eleven, but he still can’t write “Leo.”
He throws a pencil at me.
“You write the poem,” he says.
He frowns and leans back in his chair

and shuts his eyes.
In the flat autumn light, his glasses
shed a watery glow. His freckles tremble.
Leo always likes to keep me waiting.

After a minute he growls,
“Big heifers in the corn again,
And them horses
Is hungry.”

After a minute he snarls,
“Coyote snitched the rawhide.
Grab a gun and blast him,
Then skin him up.”

Twenty other kids breathe hard,
scribble, and erase. Danyell chews
on the end of a pen and sighs gustily.
“Can I make this up?” she complains.

Leo slouches and crosses his arms
over his bony ribs. He opens his eyes
and smiles in a superior manner.
In his view, imagination sucks.

What matters in a poem
is you tell it like it happened
but you leave out the crap.
He jerks his chin up,

looks me over, slitty-eyed. He says,
“I do something I do it right!”
When that bell screams,
he’s number one out the door.

"The Master" first published in Off the Coast (September 2006).

I Lovermont (And I Enjoy Nice Hampshire).

School vacation week is officially over yet I was able to take the most delightful, relaxing, four day trip to Northern New Hampshire and Vermont this weekend with the most amazing woman. This is a short review of the various eateries, lodgings, and activities we took in broken down by location.

Lincoln, New Hampshire

Lodging - Pemi Cabins (www.pemicabins.com). Charming little cabins on the inside which the website is prone to be misleading about. Although it looks like they are not directly next to each other, they are - only feet separating some. That being said, they are their own freestanding buildings and they are absolutely adorable on the inside. Close the blinds, light a fire and it is like you are in the middle of the woods, not on the side of a highway. Relatively inexpensive, incredibly friendly and not overbearing hosts. All in all recommended for a quiet place to stay that won't run you too much.

Dining - The Woodstock Station (www.woodstockinnbrewery.com). One of the few places that had any cars parked out front we opted for the Station instead of the fancier restaurant attached to it (which clearly had the same kitchen going). Starting off with the "award-winning" sampler of four beers we were hopeful yet these beers were indicative of the entire experience food wise. The beer was decent, warmer than necessary, and the aftertaste (especially on the Maple Porter) was just unpleasant. The "award-winning" sweet potato ravioli were covered in a spicy sauce which completely covered up any sweet potato flavor (who is handing out these awards people?!) The California Pizza should win the award for most barely cooked piece of unpleasantness ever (although that was not mentioned in the menu for some odd reason). Not to mention the fact that each tiny slice had at least five full artichokes on it and it was literally dripping with garlic butter. The veggie burger was good aside from the cheese being unmelted and it being a little on the greasy side. The waitress was pleasant, the mudslide was absolutely delicious, and the hordes of Irish were entertaining.

Entertainment - Sled Ventures (www.sledventures.net). Having never gone snowmobiling before we were both very excited (and not particularly anxious about it either). Although the operation began by seeming a bit shoddy (no hands on lesson on how to drive, no safety explanations) the guy who ran the joint and went with us was ideal. He wasn't overly talkative, he kept us moving through the woods at good speeds around 50 miles per hour. He took enough stops so that Vicki and I could trade places and get a whole lot of driving in each.The drizzle barely mattered and the fog made it all sorts of exciting at times. Snowmobiling is fun and this company made it enjoyable.

Bristol, Vermont



Lodging - Inn at Baldwin Creek (www.innatbaldwincreek.com). Most bed and breakfasts seem to be very hit or miss. Overbearing or under attentive hosts, classy or creepy lodging, there is always a good and a bad to it. Now, the Inn at Baldwin Creek, as strictly an option for lodging was almost flawless. The Treehouse room is absolutely adorable (albeit a little large for just two people). The entrance leads you past two Dick Van Dyke beds and down a few stairs into an adorable room with a huge bed (which might be the most comfortable bed in the history of the world), an electric fireplace, and just some great design choices. It is completely segregated from the rest of the house so this room is really special. We took peeks at three other rooms while we were there and although they were decent it was clear that the Treehouse is the room that the most time, effort, and love has been put into. We both highly recommend this room.

Dining - Mary's at The Inn at Baldwin Creek (www.innatbaldwincreek.com/marys). Now, onto the less positive. Another "award-winning" restaurant, Mary's started off so promising and ended up so disappointing. The decor was cozy, fireplace, friendly atmosphere, nice. The waitstaff was overly friendly (must have been specifically trained as such since both of them used the same exact lines in similar situations on the floor). The menu sounded delicious and they were even willing to work with us around our vegetarianism. Vicki's pomegranate cranberry Bellini was delicious and my gingerbread apple crisp (rum, cider, gingerbread syrup) was decent but not chilled enough and certainly too rummy.

We ordered a few things from each part of the menu and the first major issue was when they were delivered. We ordered appetizers, soup, and two main courses. When asked if we would like them separately and in what order we explained the common order they would come in and definitely separately. The first thing to arrive was the French Red Onion Soup which proved to be the only really tasty item to eat the entire night. The next thing to arrive was the Baked Ziti. This was honestly worse than something a twelve year old would make it you left them in charge of a pasta dish. The sauce was soupy and at the bottom of the dish. The portion was tiny. The lump of mozzarella on top was barely melted and the whole dish was lukewarm throughout (aside from the somehow scalding pot which was very misleading). I would have been upset getting this at Friendly's - and it would have cost a quarter of what it did here. Oh, that and it wasn't even ziti. The kitchen was kind enough to fry the Sweet Potato Fries without duck fat although doing so made them take nearly twenty minutes to prepare and they were soggy. They were still sweet potatoes so I wasn't entirely disappointed yet they were definitely the second least impressive sweet potatoes I have ever had (see the night before for the least impressive). The Roasted Garlic Flatbread Pizza was burnt and sloppily put together. Again, I could make a more delicious pizza when I was twelve. Even at 4 am in college after a long night out on the town I would still have made something more impressive. For dessert we opted for the all you could eat chocolate buffet which was by all means average. The cream puff looked like it was from Shop Rite, the truffles were filled with raw cookie dough (best I can tell) and the three different flavors all tasted identical. The creme brulee was cold and clearly not fresh. And seriously, how do you mess up chocolate chip cookies? I don't know personally, you'd have to ask them. The chocolate mousse was good though. Color me incredibly unimpressed with this whole dining experience as a whole (even the fifteen percent discount for being a guest was a rip off since it was fifteen percent off one single entree - a whopping three dollars in savings). We will not be eating here again.

Woodstock, Vermont

Lodging - Applebutter Inn (www.applebutterinn.com). An adorable bed and breakfast a little outside of the Village of Woodstock. Really friendly hosts (Michael and Barbara are adorable and so incredibly thoughtful), a beautiful house in a less traveled area, this is a terrific place. Although there were issues with the water temperature, the Cameo Room offered a nice electric fireplace and an incredibly comfortable bed. The location is key, and the breakfast was absolutely delicious.



Dining - Mangowood's at the Lincoln Inn (www.mangowood.com). Chef Teresa Tan is amazing. Not just in her terms of her abilities as a chef but as a human being as well. I had been in touch about a special dining experience for Vicki and myself and not only was Tan open to the idea, she e-mailed back and forth with me for some time to figure out the exact best situation for us - and boy did she. The eight course (give or take) Chef's Table found us sitting in the kitchen, feet away from her as she worked her magic - no other customers in sight. The staff of four were friendly, thoughtful, and so incredibly professional while still having a good time. Tan and Co. treated us terrifically, and she created dishes with specific ingredients that had been requested, walking us through the process, giving us space to enjoy each other yet always willing to attend to us in any way we needed. From spinach bites to risotto cakes. From tofu fries to some wild creme brulees. Never before has a chef been so accommodating and so willing to share their craft with their customers. Every dish was unique, every dish was creative and even those that were overpowering in their flavor were something that we would not have traded for the world. I could not write enough about how terrific of a dining experience this was and how creative of a chef Theresa Tan is as well. So very highly recommended.

Our menu;

1st Course:

Spinach, pine nuts & mushroom ball;
Deep fried lychee ball with goat cheese and pistachio;
Blue cheese walnut ball

2nd Course: Black pepper sesame tofu fries, sweet chili aioli

3rd Course: Sundried tomato, capers & olive goat cheese creme brulee

4th Course: Green Curry Tomato Red Lentil coconut Bisque

5th Course: Indonesian style slow cooked spicy potatoes

6th Course:

For Victoria - Crispy whole red snapper, stir fry noodles with Napa cabbage, cilantro ginger sauce

For me - Creamy coconut risotto cakes, Thai Peanut Pesto Sauce

Dessert: Blue cheese & Fig Brulee

When it really comes down to it, food, weather, lodging, and entertainment are important yet pale in comparison to the importance of a terrific travel companion. It could have been freezing rain the whole time, us sleeping in a tent, eating taquitos and drinking Schlitz and I would have been the happiest man in the world. What a terrific weekend.

Willy Mason 'If the Ocean Gets Rough' Album Review (by Matt Dickson)

Let me start by saying that I have been a fan of Willy Mason for a couple of years. Therefore bias is something that I will not try to hide while discussing this album. Willy Mason continues to create fantastic music to drive to. The songs on this album flow seamlessly. It felt like getting a wonderful book on tape (or CD even). From the first song “Gotta Keep Walking” to the last song “When the Leaves Have Fallen” Willy creates beautiful music without overreaching. The album seems nearly effortless as it transitions from folk, alt-county, blues, and even gospel. From the beginning to the end Willy Mason creates enjoyable music. I feel like the greatest compliment I can give an artist is mentioning that there is no need for a skip button when listening to their work. With “If the Ocean Gets Rough” Willy strings each song together through solid music and incredible lyrics.

“Simple Town” brings musical ingenuity to the forefront. The musical arrangements are far from simple. Rather they help to create a mood that makes the lyrics more poetic than expected. Mason is able to use his strong baritone voice while still providing emotive undertones throughout this song (and many others on the album).

“When the River Moves On” is by far my favorite song on this album. The backing vocals transported me to a baptism on a river in the South. The overall gospel feel is simply amazing. This song epitomizes the range and maturity of Willy Mason and his band. Completely unexpected on this album, but completely free of error. Simply put, a wonderful song to enjoy with no pretenses.

Good music is good music. Willy Mason delivers entertaining, insightful, poetic songs from start to finish on “If the Ocean Gets Rough.” Take 43 minutes and listen to the entire album. If you don’t enjoy my next review is free.

Rumpelstiltskin’s Garden by Dawn Potter

Rain, and more rain! And now
this whore sunshine!
Grass, how dare you inflict yourself

on my desires, you and your weed-
sprung clan, shattering the peonies,
raping the barren hops.

Filthy mess of life!
You thrive for spite,
like the princeling who squalls in the muddy

shadows, like the miller’s queen
shedding ice in my heart’s parlor.
Fury! Fury!

I could tear myself in two,
sever like stove wood under the axe,
then split again a thousand times,

pound myself to ash
till all the busy ants in christendom
couldn’t sort my rage from dust.

"Rumpelstiltskin's Garden," first published in Interpoezia, no. 2