...something that would implore everyone to automatically want to fear and respect me, love and cherish me, and need to get to know me while being far too afraid to approach me;
El Nino.
Wait, is that already a joke that someone made? I feel like it is familiar, maybe from SNL? If it is that is a shame because SNL hasn't been funny in years (thanks Horation Sanz, et. al.) It's a lot harder to come up with a funny nickname for yourself than for someone else. While working years ago I gave my good friend Matt a nickname; LP (short for Lamp Post) although these days I just call him post. Why did he get the nickname? We picked arbitrary items that were around since we were the only two who hadn't yet acquired nicknames. What was mine? Steaky. Well, I guess that's as good as any, right?
Steaky.
I don't imagine anyone will love, hate, or feel much of anything about that one. At least my nickname isn't Alignment Guy, Leprechaun, or Waste Water...