I wonder on a daily basis about what the hell is going on in other folks' heads. I mean, do other teachers question their usefulness on a daily basis as I do? Or do they just sort of plow through thinking, 'I'm a trained professional, I am doing this right and if they aren't learning it they aren't trying hard enough'? Do chefs end their shifts thinking, 'Man, oh man, I should have made that fourth steak better than I did, there's no way they were properly satisfied with that'? Am I the insane one for doing that? Or am I the sane one?
I ended today feeling incredibly discouraged and questioning absolutely everything that I did today (in my professional and personal life). Was I not polite enough, was I too short with the students, did I make it clear what I was teaching, did I learn anything, did I teach anything at all? The honest answer is I'm not 100% sure what I accomplished today other than making myself a little self conscious about what I am capable of as a teacher and a human being.
I do know a thing or two about discouragement from my life though.
I know that while not everyone is as hard on themselves as consistently as I have a tendency to be I also know that not everyone has such a sturdy sense of self as I am capable of. I know that even though today was discouraging and I felt that I was a failure of a teacher at the end of the day that on the average day I do much more good than bad and I am proud of that. I know that not every day in life will be roses and puppy dogs as I tell my students but I also know that I should try to do a better job just being content with a smile from a student who is excited about the poem we are reading. I know that I should just keep trying my hardest and not let my discouragement change how I treat my students as that is unfair.
I know that tomorrow I will wake up and I will no longer be discouraged and I'm going to spend tonight trying to make sure what I plan for tomorrow will work. Now I just need to figure out how to plan for how I react if it doesn't go how I'd like it to. In the classroom and in life.
I also know that I have no idea what that picture has to do with this post but it makes me optimistic about life.
