What made you decide to write a self help book? Are you really at the point where you should be focusing on others rather than yourself?
It started out as a personal narrative, just writing down my life story. I was still pretty deep in things when I started writing it—was actually, probably fishing for sympathy—but as I started putting things down I started thinking about what I wanted to be able to say about the parts of my life that hadn’t happened yet, whether I wanted ever damn chapter to be the same, or if I wanted things to end on a different note than they started. A lot happened and I just wrote as I went through it. Then I let some friends read what I was writing and they said I should write a book. But by this point, I didn’t want the book to just be about me. I wanted it to be bigger than me, so I made it about how other people could do what I’ve done. Seriously, look at me! It’s not just a title: if I can, they really can.
I don’t see the book as focusing on others, but rather as something important to do for myself. Things become clearer to me when I write them down because it forces me to acknowledge the truth and to take a stance toward it. And it gives me another reason to try to hold things together: not just for myself and my kids, but for my readers, too. Also, I could use the cash.
What do your children think about this effort?
Well, there’s no way Felix is going to really get it [Felix is autistic], but he does like stacking up the books to mail out after I sign them. Jameson thinks it’s pretty sweet because I got them to let him draw the cover. The teachers won’t let him bring the book into class because of the subject matter, but he’s like a total playground celebrity now.
How is your writing so eloquent for having lived such a storied life of debauchery?
Hold on, don’t high-profile politicians and celebrities have sex and drug scandals like every single day? Only difference between them and me is that I wasn’t born with a boatload of money to hire lawyers and buy off cops. So people like me have to get money for our hookers or blow by working as a hooker or selling the blow—get it? And I resent the implication that people like me can’t possibly be successful at something. The most wonderful, generous, talented people I have ever met shared in my “life of debauchery.” They’re the reason why I’m still alive and able to write a book in the first place.
But about my writing—I’ve always loved books. Times when I was homeless, I spent a lot of time in libraries, washing up in bathroom sinks and reading for hours and days. I started writing when my P.O. [ed. note - probation officer] suggested journaling, like as a way to get thoughts out of my head without going berserk. It worked pretty well for me. Plus, my editor kicks ass.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten?
Um, honestly? I just try to live one day at a time. That’s kind of how sobriety is: baby steps. Sure, you need to have bigger goals, so you know where the hell you’re going, but you need to be gentle on yourself, too. Just get through today, and you’ll figure out a way to manage tomorrow when it gets here. I’m a little bit afraid of the future, because I never thought I’d have made it as far as I have already and part of me is always scared something is going to bring me back down. But that’s probably not the best way to look at it. I just want to keep learning, and trying, and figuring life out as I go. I hope I can do that. I think I can.
If you could give one piece of wisdom to folks out there, what would it be?
Oh, so I have three, and they’re not really my wisdom—I hope that’s okay. I wrote them on my bathroom mirror with Sharpie, so I think about them every day. This first one is attributed to Thomas Edison, the light bulb guy, and says, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” I like that, because it lets me look at my mistakes as a kind of progress toward doing better and makes me keep going. Like, process of elimination—every mistake brings me closer to something that works, so eventually I’m bound to hit it, right?
The second is by the author Jack London: “Don't loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club, and if you don't get it you will nonetheless get something that looks remarkably like it.” I’ve wasted so much time in my life feeling helpless and not doing anything to bring on the changes I wanted, so I really need this reminder. I just have to remember that it doesn’t give me license to actually beat people…
And this last one is my favorite, though I don’t know who said it. It’s “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” This is just true, plain and simple. There’re enough people on this overcrowded planet that eventually you’re bound to stumble across one or two who, despite your particular neurosis and bad habits, truly appreciate who you are. Love them for that, because it’s easier than trying to find more.